vampirearsehell:

why do people hate being in the “friend zone” so much

it sounds like a nice place to be

can someone friend zone me

i like friends

(Source: princeofdragondildos, via lolhomeworkmyass)

if Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

What is another word for a thesaurus?

If you’re underwater, would you be able to cry?

Why do feet smell and noses run?

If you expect the unexpected, won’t the unexpected be the expected?

(Source: mikmaaac, via lolhomeworkmyass)

baraskank:

oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD kOMFGYOD

(via lolhomeworkmyass)

The difference between bees and wasps.

• Bee: Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
• Wasp: Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.

peewentz:

i have no idea what’s going on like 90% of the time

(Source: dalloon, via lolhomeworkmyass)

sodamnrelatable:

And I’m thinking DIS Bitch

via sodamnrelatable

(via h-u-m-o-u-r)

i accidentally messed up my life how do i start a new account

(Source: squidwurd, via h-u-m-o-u-r)

• english boys: U ALRIGHT LUV
• australian boys: oi give us a gob cunt
• american boys: whaddup shawty you lookin good winna winna chicken dinna hellz yeah lets get naked
• arab guys: you want to make friendship

theepichumor:

(Source: iamunknownonearth, via lolhomeworkmyass)